A new beginning

17th Apr 2017, 8:43 PM

A new beginning
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Drobvirks on 17th Apr 2017, 8:43 PM

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It's been nearly 2 years since I made my last post and I'm incredibly sorry being gone for so long.

I think I mentioned in my last post things about my depression, and I'd like to pick up on that again.

I have been depressed since I was about 13 years old but I've always been able to fight through it using drawing as a cure as it always made me happy.

But two years back I really hit a wall, my depression had gotten so overwhelming that the one thing that would usually make me happy, was causing me to become even more depressed.
I was forcing myself to draw to a point where I hated it.

So, I started going to psychologists and got things sorted there, and finally got treated for my depression.
The doctors did however keep warning me with "The first couple of months you will be feeling worse, but it's going to get better". And that was so painfully true.

The first couple of months there wasn't much I could make my body do. I tried drawing but ended up in a panic attack and hyperventilating, which was a very clear message of "Yep let's not do that for a while".
Going from drawing everyday to not drawing a thing for months was insane to me. I've never gone that long without drawing.
But, I stuck to the medicine because all I wanted was to get better, all I kept wishing for was to get better.
And I have. I can finally draw again without it feeling like it's physically hurting me, and I'm enjoying it again.

I still need to be careful though, because I do not want to end up in a situation like that again where I can't draw, because it really was the most horrible experience of my life.

So, in saying all of this, Seed won't be continuing until I'm completely stable.
It also won't be continuing from where we left off.

I've done a lot of thinking, and I've made up my mind. I am going to reboot the comic.
As I started it way back in 2010, with not a super clear vision of everything, it's very rusty and flawed.

But as I've worked on the comic through all these years I've got a very clear image in my head of how I really want it to be.

So instead of carrying all this heavy baggage of my old art and story mistakes, it's just easier to start over. It also gives me a chance to rework character design and everything.
I personally think it will be alot more fun for me this way too, and it's important that drawing is fun!


So...
TLDR:
I've been depressed so no drawing fun allowed.
Reeboting the comic cause it's not what I want it to be.



I really gotta say though, thanks to everyone who's been sticking around despite my disappearance. It's incredible of you. So much love!

I'm going to try to be more active but, as I still need to be careful as to not push myself too hard yet I can't make many promises, other than that I'm going to do my best.

Thanks for reading, and I look forward to working on Seed in the future. <3


I mostly post things on my Twitter so make sure to keep an eye on that if you're interested in the redesigns.
https://twitter.com/Drobvirks



user comments

SunnySideUpSmile on 17th Apr 2017, 9:41 PM

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Hi! So sorry about your depression. :( I remember it was not fun. If you need to talk, we're here, even though you probably don't know any of us. ;)

See you around, and can't wait for the reboot! :D I really like this page, BTW. ^^

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 8:49 AM

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Thank you, I really appreciate it *3*

TheMario360 on 17th Apr 2017, 9:51 PM

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It's great that you found a way through that. It can be really tough. As for the reboot...

HYPE!

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 8:54 AM

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It's still probably going to take a long time, but I do look forward to working on it!

chris-tar on 17th Apr 2017, 9:54 PM

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Hi. I have struggled with depression for 35 years ever since my parents divorced. After decades of searching for answers in the psychiatric industry, I have found that I actually feel about the same or better when I don't take any meds. Also meds have terrifying health repercussions, like liver or kidney failure at any time without warning, eye and vision damage, diabetes, increased weight gain, and in my own personal experience, a perpetual need to keep increasing the dosage as your body builds a tolerance to drugs. The meds have also even made my depression, anxiety, and ability to interact socially worse at times by dulling my senses and thoughts. I would recommend surrounding yourself with people who love and care about you, eating as healthy as possible, and exercising out in the fresh air and sunshine. Prayer also helps. Good luck to you. I will need it as well.

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 8:55 AM

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Yeah, for sure. I've never liked relying on medicine, but when the depression made me hate drawing as well... There really was no other place for me to turn to.
I'm just so happy to be able to draw again, even if it is very little...

pkrankow on 17th Apr 2017, 10:23 PM

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I am glad you are better.

Please don't delete your previous iteration. It is beautiful even if not complete.

I look forward to your new creation. I am sure you will want a buffer so please hit us with teasers and sketchbook stuff while you get one together.

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 8:58 AM

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Yeah I'll leave the old one as it is. But I think the new one might be a bit different so my only hope is that the old comic won't interfere too much with the new one.

Like "that wasn't in the old one I'm confused". I hope everyone can see it as a new thing on its own.

Sahara on 18th Apr 2017, 9:54 AM

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I think that's a really good point. Maybe you could move it over to a separate archived site, or call it "Concept Story" so that it's clear it's some bones but not the current, ongoing storyline

harajuku_Smittle_ on 17th Apr 2017, 10:52 PM

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Get gud!

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 8:58 AM

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;_; ok

Rinkel on 17th Apr 2017, 11:32 PM

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I'm so glad you're back and doing better! I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through all that but we'll always be here to support you! <3

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 8:59 AM

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Thank you Rin, gonna keep trying to get back to drawing everyday again!

Bethbug on 17th Apr 2017, 11:38 PM

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hi, I read your comic, and I have to say that your characters are unique and beautiful. I have grown so attached to your wonderful style and characters that for two years I have been checking up on this comic and patiently waited for any signs of life. When I checked today and saw the update, it made me so happy to see that you are powering through and being such a strong person. I have not experienced depression myself, but I have friends who do, and know how hard that can be on someone. you are a very strong person for not letting this take something away from you that you love to do, and I respect and admire you for that! I also understand your desire to start over, because I myself love to draw, and understand how hard it is to work on a project that you don't have the upmost confidence in. As long as it has your beautiful style and wonderful characters, I will gladly read whatever you create from this point! I look forward to your work in the future, and want to let you know that there's no rush. this should be fun, and I've already waited two years. I can wait a little longer if need be ;)

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 9:02 AM

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Thank you Beth!
Yeah, I was walking a very dangerous line where it probably could have caused me to never draw again.
I'm really grateful for the help I finally got and it's incredible to be able to even hold a pen again without a panic attack. :'D

Depression is such a vile thing, and I'm really proud of everyone out there powering through it!

Minno on 17th Apr 2017, 11:39 PM

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Glad to hear that you're feeling better. You're not the first artist I've liked who had to take a long break from being sick. Take things at your own pace and take care of yourself.

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 9:03 AM

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Thanks Minno!
Yeah, taking care of your health is so important D;! Gotta do what works best for you.

Allzephyr on 18th Apr 2017, 12:53 AM

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My eyes bugged out of my head when I saw this pinging back to life in my subscription feed. I can sort of get where you're coming from with the burnout and the depression, and I'm behind whatever plan you opt for 100%.

PLUS the artwork is gorgeous. I'll be sad to see the old version go, but I'm very excited to see the new version.

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 9:05 AM

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Hahah thank you Allzephyr!

The hard part now is having to relearn everything that I used to know how to do. It's been so long since I drew much of anything so I've forgotten a loootttt...

Nice to see you back!

SydneySedai on 18th Apr 2017, 2:21 AM

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Been checking weekly ever since I found the comic, and I hope to continue to do so in the future.

Glad you're feeling better!

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 9:05 AM

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Thank you! I'm not sure when the new comic will be ready but I'll make sure to let everyone know ^^

Babble_ON on 18th Apr 2017, 3:17 AM

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I don't mean to be the asshole at the inn, but uh...

...I'm not the only one who sees this coinciding pretty *shockingly* with Seed being knocked off Pop Overall, right?

Like, to the point where your motives for updating are dubious at best.

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 8:46 AM

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I replied to Epiale as well but as I said in that comment, I've not checked this page in over a year and I didn't intend anything like that at all.

Epiale on 18th Apr 2017, 3:22 AM

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Agreeing with Babble, this seems like a cheap shot to get past the new aging out filters on the front page. The timing is just way too perfect.

Kind of scummy, I'm gonna be honest. Like, people brought up this might happen, disappointing to see people actually doing it. :/

Allzephyr on 18th Apr 2017, 4:07 AM

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This may or may not be the case, but if it is a factor I'd tend to think that a deadline makes for a good motivator. I don't see any malice in the act and I don't think it should be treated as such.

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 8:45 AM

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Huh? I haven't even checked that page in over a year, I thought I'd been taken down ages ago.
Once my depression hit I got rid of anything in my life that had to do with comics. I rarely even checked my own comic page.

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 8:51 AM

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Ohyeah, once I reboot the comic too, I'll not be using ComicFury. I'll get my own domain and all. So if you're worried about me getting in the spotlight here for a little bit, don't worry. I just made this post for the people here on ComicFury or other people who have no other means to check on updates from me, so they could know what's up.

navegar on 25th Apr 2017, 4:09 AM

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if you wont post to comic fury, how will we find your new domain posts/

how about a transition post with a link

thanks for your great art.

Headgamer on 26th Apr 2017, 11:21 AM

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As much as I like comic fury, I think getting your own domain and splitting from here is a good idea.

A fan on 24th May 2017, 9:41 AM

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Hey
Just a suggestion
What about Hiveworks?
(thehiveworks.com)

navegar on 18th Apr 2017, 3:59 AM

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wow. beautiful.

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 9:06 AM

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Thanks <3

gideonland on 18th Apr 2017, 8:00 AM

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Looks fantastic! Not really familiar with this book, but this cover looks great! I would read it, but if it's getting rebooted, I'll wait. Nice to see you fighting off depression.
If I was you, I'd just delete those hurtful comments above. No one needs that negativity. Just keep doing what you love.

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 9:09 AM

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Eh, people are allowed to express themselves. So if that's what they believe then, that's that. ^^;

Thank you though! I'm really looking forward to working on my story again.

xianyu118 on 18th Apr 2017, 8:18 AM

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This is a really pretty piece of art, holy crap
It's really great that you've been taking your time to recover, and also for providing readers with some closure on this.

I'm going to have to agree with gideon above - I'm sure you just coincidentally updated around the time when the new filters came in effect, and as such, both those comments can suck it.

Can't wait to see what you have in store for the future!

Drobvirks on 18th Apr 2017, 9:11 AM

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Thank you!! I'm really happy you like it!
It's been rough, but I'm eager to work with the new comic! :D

And yeah, like I replied to them, I haven't checked that page in over a year so.. I had no clue. I was just here to give people information on what's up.

LeRenardRoux on 18th Apr 2017, 1:00 PM

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This is a beautiful piece, and I'm so excited for the reboot!

What you wrote about what you went through- it made me tear up. Drawing is what I turn to when I'm upset, I can't imagine losing it. I'm so glad you're feeling better!

When you do start the reboot, make sure to share a link!!

Proxy170 on 18th Apr 2017, 4:13 PM

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I have had multiple hiatuses for reasons of depression as well, and it sucks to not be able to art. The inability to do stuff just makes it worse. So I totally sympathize with you, and I'm happy you've made progress towards finding happiness. I don't know how old you are (I don't know much about you or your comic, actually...sorry for the random comment from random stranger) but if it gives you any hope at all, I spent almost two decades depressed, but things do get better. And even the shortest moments of happiness make the fight worth it.

So regardless of comic stuff, I hope you find happiness.

sketchdoll on 18th Apr 2017, 5:18 PM

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I'm so relieved to see you are okay :D I was worried something may have happened to you in the time you've been gone. Don't worry about being able to crank out art at a regular pace, just take your time and take care of yourself! I'm looking forward to seeing your future work and seeing your characters in your Reboot :3

What about the cabbages?

Stoner on 18th Apr 2017, 10:07 PM

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Very happy to hear you're getting help. Take care of you and I'll be seein' ya 'round.

Never Lost Faith

The Doc K on 19th Apr 2017, 3:10 AM

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I never gave up hope that you would bless us with your presence one day, I wish you the best of luck against your depression!

Guest on 19th Apr 2017, 4:00 AM

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Glad to hear you're feeling better :)

Sorry I'm late

Mr. eMouse on 20th Apr 2017, 1:25 AM

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I guess I'm not the only one that stops by every few days. I saw this picture on my phone through twitter, but it's nice to be able to see it in its full glory on here. (Seriously, this is a Masterpiece.)


I just want you to keep this in mind: You are under ZERO obligation to us.

I absolutely love what you've done so far, and am excited about what the future will bring... BUT, this is your comic to do with as you please. If you ever feel like you owe us another page, Immediately stop and ask yourself, "Am I drawing for me today?"

Of course everyone wants to see what happens next. This will constantly be the case. That never means you are obligated to push out another page for our sake.

---------

Now then I just want to say, whatever you decide to do, please don't remove the originals when you do the reboot. A few days ago I went back to read the whole thing again, and it was great watching your skills grow. Not just drawing, but the story telling as well. Every good artist will find flaws in their own art, it's how we learn to improve. An artist that can't find flaws in their work, also can't grow. Acknowledge flaws, but don't let them haunt you.

Flaws are like the ledges on the side of a mountain. You use them to ascend to the top, and they get left behind.

---------

Last topic (I promise)

I still swing through minor depression occasionally, almost like a pendulum. Luckily the only time it was really bad was in my teens (Like, I only got out of bed if I was obligated to. Scared my parents by saying death seemed really peaceful), so you can believe that any of us that have been there will completely understand if you make us wait a few months, or years. lol

My main hobby is on the computer (coding and gaming mainly), but when I get down and don't want to do anything but vegetate, I go to my other love. The outdoors. Hiking, Camping, or even just sitting on the back porch enjoying the sun and breeze. For some reason connecting with nature rejuvenates me. I think because it reminds me of when I was very young and carefree (under 7), and my family would go camping all the time.

Maybe outdoors isn't your thing, but if you have something pleasant that connects you to a time when your life was carefree, maybe that can be your backup hobby to help you out when you're starting to feel down.


Okay, it's time for me to put an end to this excessively long comment. Thanks for posting this beautiful picture and renewing our zeal for your amazing talent.

~Mr.eMouse (Quarnozian on twitter)

P.S.~ If I ever offer a critique, it isn't because I just want to be a jerk by criticizing your efforts. Like I said, flaws are opportunities for growth. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to overcome my flaw of looking like a jerk when I try to help.

If I say something that upsets you, just tell me, "Hey! STFU. >:P "

Seriously. You can even direct message me on twitter if you want to really unload about what a jackass I am in privacy. I promise you won't hurt my feelings.

Welcome Back!

Headgamer on 20th Apr 2017, 11:43 AM

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Personally, I'm just glad your ok. Take your time. I'm excited to see what you'll change with the re-boot (no pressure though XD ).

merlinnia on 24th Apr 2017, 2:29 AM

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I can relate so much to the whole depression and getting on meds and stuff. I loooove Seed and it will be lovely to see the new version whenever it is made ^_^ <3

Jay on 25th Apr 2017, 10:17 PM

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Some really lovely comments. :)

I'll keep this short and sweet. Adore this piece! Best wishes finding a place for drawing in your life.

catmat7339 on 28th Apr 2017, 3:12 AM

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I hope you get better :)

Guest on 18th May 2017, 6:56 PM

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I'm sorry to hear about what you've been dealing with. I know what it's like to have depression impact your motivation and creativity, and I hope your recovery goes smoothly! Even after all this time I've never forgotten Seed, it's a very special comic. I'm looking forward to whatever you decide to do with it in the future :) you're so talented!

Zerelda on 22nd May 2017, 12:16 AM

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I'd rather get a page a year and you being happy and healthy than a page a week and you getting sick. Your art is beautiful, Seed is (as others have said) a special comic, and I'm excited to see any art you put out in the future, especially with a clear vision of the story. But, (as others have said) you are under no obligation to us. Do what is good for you, don'the worry about time. Your art is a gift, not a payment. But thanks for remembering us. <3 :) I hope you enjoy your future art as much as we will.
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